How I spent the last 6 weeks

The reason I haven't written in 6 weeks is that I haven't been home much. Jerry moved out of the Kernersville house on September 15 and into his new townhome in Greensboro. Since he moved out, I've been traveling back and forth, getting the house ready to go on the market.

It's been hard work, but I've had good energy, so I can't complain too much. In 15 days (not consecutive), I worked 118.5 hours up at the house. When you consider that 15 8-hour days would be 120 hours, you can see that getting the house fixed up has been a full-time job for me.

The most difficult task that I've had to do was taking down wallpaper. Although there was nothing wrong with the wallpaper, our realtor says that wallpaper is "out" these days. She asked us to take down the wallpaper in the foyer, dining room, kitchen, and breakfast nook. Not realizing how hard it would be, I agreed. Since the painters refused to do the work, I did it myself.

Unfortunately the wallpaper in the foyer and kitchen was put up during construction of the house, which means it was put up over fresh drywall. If you know anything about wallpaper, you know that experts advise against taking down wallpaper that was put up over drywall. It's just too much effort. Although it took me days, I did manage to take down all the wallpaper, and now I'm an expert at wallpaper removal. Since we couldn't hire anyone to do the work, if worse comes to worst, perhaps I can get a job removing wallpaper, if nothing else.

While I'm on the subject of work, I have an update about the job at CMS. They called me back for an interview last Tuesday, and expected to make a decision by Friday (yesterday) and extend an offer sometime next week. I gave them my cell phone number, in case I'm out of town, should they call me.

A week from Monday, Mama will come for another visit. She is planning to stay until after Thanksgiving. My only regret is that I won't be done fixing up the house in Kernersville, so I will have to be away for part of her visit. But with any luck, I hope to finish up working inside the house this week, which will only leave yard work for me to do. I think the yard work can be done in 1 or 2 days, so I shouldn't have to be gone for much of Mama's visit.

Mama is better

Mama's surgery (mastectomy) was 8 weeks ago, and she's feeling much better. Her only complaint is that her clothes don't fit, since her two breasts are so drastically different in size. She won't buy a breast form or prosthesis (too much money, she says). Her doctor says he will perform surgery to reduce her other breast next year on her birthday (which is about a year from the mastectomy). Mama has no other complaints, though, and of course we totally understand her dissatisfaction with the way her clothes fit.

But in every other way, Mama is very happy now. She feels much better and has more energy than before. She can see better, and the roaring in her ears has gone away, so she can hear better. She is enjoying quilting again. Mama accredits all of these physical improvements to the estrogen pill she is taking to treat osteoporosis. She has also been taking daily injections for osteoporosis. Her doctor says her bones are really "crumbly".

Since the surgery, Mama takes a cancer pill once a month. The purpose of the pill is to stop the growth and even shrink the growth of cancers that may already be present in her body. Starting in October, Mama will receive monthly infusions, but Frances and I aren't sure whether the infusions treat the cancer or osteoporosis.

A Painful Decision

This morning I made a heart-wrenching decision to let Oliver go. Frances is driving him to the animal shelter as a write this, so I didn't have to endure the painful trip out there, listening to him cry. I'm grateful for that.

Oliver, my "middle" child as I've often referred to him, really needs lots of attention. He would thrive in a home where he's the only cat. While he has always loved Ryan, my oldest cat, he had a hard time learning to tolerate the presence of Manteo, my baby. After I brought Manteo home, Oliver first started exhibiting some violently aggressive behavior, but fortunately it didn't last too long.

With the addition of Frances' two cats to the household, Oliver has gotten more and more aggressive. Sarah at least fights back (and very vocally), but Mariah is fearful of him. Last night Oliver attacked her while she was using the "potty", and it wasn't the first time, sad to say. So this morning, rather than go to the litter box, Mariah went potty on the papers on my desk.

Frances was going to get rid of Mariah, but that wouldn't have solved the problem. Oliver would still pick fights with Sarah. Frances and I would still be stressed out from their fighting. So, hard as it was to do, I decided Oliver should be the one to go. I cried. Oliver is so affectionate, so sweet to people. He'll let just about anyone who comes to the house pet him. I hope he will be placed in a good home, where he can be the center of attention. That would be perfect for him. At least I know if he doesn't get adopted, he won't suffer. There's a degree of comfort in knowing that.

After a Long Time...

I know it's been weeks since I've posted an update, and perhaps you've been a tad concerned, knowing that from me, silence often means things aren't going so well. Not to worry. This time, mainly I haven't written because I've been so busy. Not "overwhelmed" busy, but taking-care-of-things busy. Although I had hoped to be working by now, when I look around the house at everything I've gotten done, I feel really pleased. These last few weeks have given me time to do some organizing projects that I wouldn't have gotten to for months, once I went back to working full time. Such as:

- reorganizing the kitchen. One morning last week, I rearranged all of the kitchen cabinets so that the things we use the most are within easy reach on lower shelves. Fortunately this wasn't too much work. The kitchen was already arranged into "zones" with items stored where they are used; glasses near the sink, bakeware near the stove, and so on. But when Frances moved in, we didn't reorganize the kitchen but stored her things wherever we found space in the appropriate cabinets. Things were still grouped where they belonged, but not necessarily where they were easily reached.

So last week I went through all the cabinets, one by one, taking everything off the top two shelves of each cabinet. Next I lowered the top and middle shelves (they're adjustable) to make everything easier to reach. Then I put everything back, putting things that are used less often on the top shelves. What this means is, we don't have to bring out the step stool any more, to get to something we use all the time. In fact, I don't think we've needed the step stool at all in the last week, when we had been using it at least once or twice a day. Getting organized may take a little effort, but hey -- in the end, it saves you work.

- reorganizing my household filing system (for paper files). A few weeks ago, I bought a book called "File... Don't Pile!" written by Pat Dorff, and decided to implement her methods. Actually, my paper files were already in good order, but I am trying to get Frances' paper clutter under control. Although I may have to implement a solution for Frances (if I want it done in my lifetime), I don't want to be a "slave" forever beating a path to the files whenever she wants something. So I need a fiing system that would make it easy for either of us to quickly and easily find anything. After reading her book, I am convinced that Dorff's File...Don't Pile system is the answer.

So far I have reorganized all of my Gardening as well as Home Management files. Although it has taken some work, the new filing system has already "paid off" for me. What makes the new system better than the old one is the cross reference. Sometimes I've been frustrated trying to find something in my files, even though they are organized. As Dorff points out, it can be hard to find something if the subject is obscure or might be referred to by more than one term (one example from work would be "customer" and "client"). Unfortunately our minds don't always think the same way two days in a row. Here is where the cross-reference comes in -- to trigger the mind into remembering. Now, as I file something, or as I'm retrieving something from my files, I take a moment to think about using the file again later. Next week or next month, will I remember which subject I filed this under? What about Frances, will she be able to find it? What subject might she look for? An example from my Home Management file is painting advice, which I filed under the subject of "Decorating". So as I filed papers about paint and paint colors, I added a cross-reference for "Paint" to point back to the Decorating folder. Redoing my files hasn't seemed like such an effort, because I expect the cross-reference to save lots of frustration in future.

Besides these two projects, Frances and I have finished unpacking all of her moving boxes, and have been working for the past week to rearrange the garage so we can park our cars inside. Today, for the very first time, we were able to get both cars in the garage. Hooray! And a little ahead of the deadline I had set, to get the cars in before the first day of frost.

I really had hoped to be working again -- and earning a paycheck again -- by now. In my last post, I wrote that Jay at CMS had called me, telling me that another job would be listed the week of September 4. It wasn't published in the paper, but only listed internal to CMS, so Jay called and emailed me the week before, to remind me and ask me to reapply. Which I did. I think the deadline for application was September 8, so I expect to hear something from CMS this week. I'm not sure if they will do another interview or just make an offer. Just keep your fingers crossed for me, think a good thought for me, please! I have applied at a few other places, but I really think a job at CMS would be ideal.

Update on interview results

With the CMS job interview two weeks past, and no word, it's been hard to stay positive ALL the time. The interview seemed to go so well, and I really liked Jay (the boss)... what's going on? Did I misread the signals? Should I be looking elsewhere? There are several other jobs that sound really interesting, and I don't want to let opportunities slip away. I've done a lot of praying about it, asking for God's direction. And all along, before, during, and since the interview, I felt strongly that God wants me to be at CMS. But as the days passed, I've struggled with doubts.

Then this afternoon I received a call from Jay. He explained that the three open positions were all filled by promoting from within. I said, that's great, I can appreciate hiring from within rather than going outside. Then he said, "But people like you are always an asset," and he has more opening(s) coming up. Jay said he had spoken with HR and gotten their approval to call and alert me when the positions are posted. Which if I understood, will be in about 2-3 weeks. Anyway, he repeated that he will call me back when the jobs are posted.

Need I say how happy I am? No more wondering and worrying. It's great to know they think well enough of me to give me advance notice of the upcoming posting. It's even better to know that my faith wasn't misplaced, but that I've been hearing God's still small voice loud and clear.

Highs and lows this week

There's never a dull moment around here. Here are the highlights from this week:

• Monday - My niece Felicia sent advance wedding invitations to her Big Day next April 14. I couldn't be more thrilled for her. After all she has endured, no one deserves happiness more than Felicia. This is one wedding I'm really looking forward to.
• Thursday - My nephew Matt and his wife Allison were blessed with a beautiful, healthy daughter, Sadie Allyn. They are calling her by both names, which calls to my mind the old Southern tradition of girls named "Mary Ellen" and "Betty Lou", to name two. Sadie Allyn was 20 inches long, and 7 lbs, 8 oz (give or take 2 oz), and has a head full of blonde hair. Everyone agrees she looks just like her big sister Sydney, who is 3 and a real beauty. Mama and daughter are both fine and came home from the hospital yesterday. My nephew has emailed pictures, and I'll post them when I figure out how!
• Friday - The week ended with a real treat, an afternoon with my dear friend Carolyn. She had come down to Charlotte for a scrapbooking convention, and I snatched at the chance to spend some time with her. Carolyn and I hadn't seen each other since I moved away from Winston-Salem almost 1 1/2 years ago, but in many ways, it was like I had seen her just the day before. I hold Carolyn so close at heart that physical distance can't separate us. Besides, we've shared too many secrets to let one another go! :-) As the song goes, "make new friends/ but keep the old/ one is silver / the other gold."
• Saturday - I received the completed Free Trader Agreement. My attorney mailed a copy of the document that was filed with the court earlier in the week. This is the document Jerry's mortgage company required from me as a condition for extending him a loan on the new townhouse he wants. This should get him off my back. He's going to reimburse me for the attorney's fees, and that money will surely come in handy now.

There were bumps along the road this week, too.

• I still haven't heard anything after my interview, now 2 weeks ago. I felt so sure an offer was forthcoming. But as the days have gone by, I must admit some doubts have crept in. Could there be a last-minute hitch with getting funding for the position? Is the School Board simply swamped with filling 10-month positions for the coming school year that starts later this month? I called and left a voice mail with Jay, who interviewed me, asking for a status and whether I am still under consideration for the job. I hope to hear something soon.
• My nephew Gary has developed a problem with the knee that was operated on, years ago when he was in the Navy. They had put all kinds of "hardware" in there, now it seems he has an infection. My sister Frances is nearly beside herself with worry that the doctors may have no resort but to take out the hardware, leaving Gary unable to walk. So as not to distress her further, I didn't ask for details, but presume she means Gary doesn't have the insurance to reconstruct the knee, put in new hardware. Not being Gary's mom, although he is a favorite of mine, I can be a little more objective. I just don't see Gary going through life as a cripple, but I have faith everything will work out somehow. Please keep Gary and the family in your prayers.

You don't have to have a lump to have breast cancer

The kind of breast cancer Mama had is the common form we've been taught to check for -- she had a lump. But did you know there is more than one type of breast cancer? You don't have to have a lump to have breast cancer. Inflammatory breast cancer (IBC) is the most aggressive form of breast cancer. It is usually not detected by mammograms or ultrasounds. IBC tends to develop as a "sheet" instead of a lump or tumor.

Inflammatory breast cancer is the least common type of breast cancer. Some women who have IBC remain undiagnosed for long periods of time -- even while seeing their doctors about their symptoms. This is because the symptoms of IBC are similar to those of mastitis (pronounced ma-sty'-tis), a breast infection that is treated with antibiotics. IBC does not respond to antibiotics. On the IBC Research Foundation website (link follows), I also read of women whose rashes were misdiagnosed as insect bites, allergic reactions to food or detergents, shingles, even reactions to wearing underwire bras.

Until this week, I had never heard of inflammatory breast cancer. I learned of it when a friend sent me an email containing a link to a news channel story about IBC. Then of course I googled to find out more about this rare form of breast cancer. According to the Mayo Clinic (link follows) and the IBC Research websites, signs and symptoms of IBC include:

• A breast that appears red, purple, pink or bruised ("bruise" does not go away)
• A tender, firm and enlarged breast. Also according to ibcresearch.org, swelling is usually sudden, sometimes a cup size in a few days
• A warm feeling in the breast (breast is warm to the touch)
• Itching of the breast
• Breast pain (from a constant ache to stabbing pains)
• Ridged or dimpled skin texture, similar to an orange peel
• Thickened areas of skin
• Enlarged lymph nodes under the arm, above the collarbone or below the collarbone
• Flattening or retraction of the nipple
• Swollen or crusted skin on the nipple
• Change in color of the skin around the nipple (areola)

Here are links to the websites I mentioned.

IBC Research Foundation http://www.ibcresearch.org/ This site includes pictures and several video and audio clips, including "IBC: The Silent Killer" from station KOMO News 4.

Mayo Clinic www.mayoclinic.com/health/inflammatory-breast-cancer/DS00632

Mama found a lump

My mother found a lump in her left breast, a long time ago. She said it was the size of a peanut then. Mama didn't consult a doctor, but she did confide in her sister. They agreed it was probably just a clogged milk gland, nothing to worry about.

The lump continued to grow at a very slow rate until more recently, when it began growing more rapidly. Soon the lump was the size of a tangerine and her left breast was larger than the right. Still, it wasn't noticeable to others, only to Mama, since she is quite stooped over from osteoporosis and besides, she dresses in loose clothing. Now, though, with the left breast significantly larger than the right, Mama had trouble getting her clothes to fit "right". She decided to tell Peggy, my brother's wife. Remember Mama lives with Louis and Peggy.

On July 14, Mama saw a doctor about the lump. She told the doctor that if it was cancer, she didn't want surgery or other treatment. "I'm 83, and if I can live with this another couple years..." But the doctor said she wouldn't live that long. The lump was very close to the surface of the skin, and he said next it would either move into muscle, or "explode" through the skin. The doctor assured Mama that if the lump came through the skin, it would be "a mess" and would "stink." That was exactly the right thing to say: Mama never wants to "inconvenience" anyone.

Mama's surgery was this Wednesday, July 26, less than 2 weeks from first seeing a doctor. The surgery went well. The doctor did have to do a mastectomy, but not a radical. He said the cancer was slow going, and that he was able to get it all. Only the left breast was removed; they wouldn't take the right one as well. Considering how "well endowed" Mama was, I think it would be especially strange to have only one breast. But I suppose that's not important; what is important is that the surgery was successful. Mama left the hospital on Friday, and is doing very well. She is able to move her left arm and take care of herself. My sister Frances drove up this afternoon and will spend the next two days with Mama.

Why am I doing this?

Isn't everyone? :-) No, seriously, I'm doing this to help stay in touch with friends and family. With everyday life becoming busier all the time, I'm finding it hard to keep up. Aren't you? For me, the final "straw" was a couple weeks ago when I went to lunch with a friend who lives 15 minutes away, and in the course of conversation, realized to our mutual shock that I never told her Daddy had passed away.

I stole the idea about blogging from another friend. Until she started blogging, I didn't even know what a blog was. Just because I work in technology doesn't mean I'm "hip" to the latest trends. Until last week, I had heard the term "Bluetooth" but didn't know what Bluetooth technology was about or how it could benefit me. Then I bought a new wireless phone that's Bluetooth enabled, and suddenly I made it my business to find out.

Anyway, dear reader, I'm writing this for both of us, for you and for me, to help us stay connected. What it lacks in the personal touch, we can make up for by email followup Q&A. So please indulge me, and check out my blog every now and then, to find out what's up with me.

The last year in review, Reader's Digest style

In the last year, I realized neither my marriage nor my job was satisfying. Jerry wasn't willing to work on our marriage. Although he won't sign separation papers, we have been living apart for over a year. In 2005 I moved to Charlotte and in September I bought a house on the southeast side.

Meanwhile at work I had reached burnout and lost all self confidence. In February I took a leave of absence from work, to spend more time with Mama during Daddy's last months, to take on major projects at home, including fixing drainage issues and building a new deck and storage shed, and to think about my job and my career direction. Daddy passed away in late April. In mid June, Mama came here for two weeks, a real joy. Also in mid June, the last major home improvement project was finished. Although I'm poorer financially for taking so much time off work, having the time to think and to heal has been priceless. My self confidence is back and I'm ready to get back to work.

This March, my sister Frances moved in with me, along with her cats Sarah and Mariah. Living with five cats can be challenging, but having my sister here is great. We complement each other: she hates housework but never tires of working in the yard. I’m an organized housekeeper, and although I want the yard to be beautiful, my allergies make me miserable if I spend much time outdoors. Together we have the best of both worlds.

Now that Jerry and I are apart, Kerry and I have been spending a lot of time together. He’s been my best male friend since I was 22. We can talk about anything and everything. Once we talked on the phone for 4 ½ hours. I’m not sure if he’s "husband material" yet, but we’ll always be "really good friends", best friends, of this I’m sure. His daughter Melissa and I get along great. We especially delight in ganging up on Kerry. Melissa will be 16 in December, and is a terrific, fun, well-brought-up young lady. I love her a lot.

My Core Values: Guiding Principles for Life

1. Act with integrity. I will stand up for my beliefs. I will be honest with myself and with others. I will fulfill my commitments and promises. I will model the behavior I expect from others.
2. Be compassionate. I will be patient and understanding. I will be ready to forgive myself and others. I will not fear failure, but I will fear failing to try. Mistakes are an important part of learning. I will accept mistakes and move on.
3. Be responsible. I will be reliable and trustworthy. I will be someone who can be counted on. I will take ownership of my work. I will plan and organize my time to avoid panic situations. I will demonstrate problem-solving and decision-making skills. I will always do my best to do the right thing, even when it is more difficult.
4. Respect others. I will treat others with dignity and respect. I will value their time. I will demonstrate open mindedness. I will remember that everyone has different values and perspectives. I will use my listening skills to prevent misunderstandings and resolve differences
5. Share. I will find positive ways to contribute to my community. I will share my time and talents with others.
6. Excel. I will think creatively. I will strive for continuous improvement. I will never stop learning and seeking new knowledge and skills.
7. Be healthy. I am committed to staying in good health, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
8. Put friends and family first. Nothing in this world is more important than my relationships with family and friends. I will strive not to get caught up in work and other activities and neglect my family and friends. I am willing to change my thoughts, feelings, and actions to create and maintain loving relationships.